A Final Goodbye
by LilyHellsing
Summary: White hot rage, cold hearted grief, and blood stopping fear pulsed through his veins as he let out another howl imitation. He felt angry at Sirius for leaving so soon, he felt weak and vulnerable, and worse of all he felt alone!Really sad oneshot. R&R.


First shot at a Sirius/Remus one-shot. ONE-SHOT so don't review saying you want more XD lol. It's really sad. Enjoy.

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It had been one year…one full year since Sirius died. The ghostly whispers of clouds had grabbed him and dragged him into their world, into his death. Harry Potter first blamed the death on himself; he should have known the vision was a dream, a nightmare, a trap set up from the Dark Lord. He should have practiced Occlumency more. Then his blame and hatred shifted onto Severus Snape. If he hadn't stopped teaching him Occlumency, none of this would have happened. But, as Snape once pointed out, it was Harry's fault for going into his memories and seeing his humiliation.

Remus didn't know or care whose fault it was. The bottom line was the same no matter who did what; Sirius Black was dead. At first, he couldn't even find the energy or reason to get out of bed. The first week of Black's death, Lupin just lay in bed and stared at the side his lover once slept on. Then he'd find his pillow soaking wet with tears.

No one knew they were lovers. Many suspected it, but no one knew for sure. That's the way they wanted it, for they believed if Voldemort found out, he would use Lupin to lure Black out which would cause Potter to follow. Interesting chain link but they had to be careful.

Sometimes during the night, Remus would sit outside on the roof top and just stare at the sky. He had no idea where Sirius could be; he was not in the ground, he was not on the ground, and he was not above the ground. His body floated in a matter of void for all he knew and his spirit…who knew where that was. The fact was that Sirius couldn't stay a ghost, leaving Remus even lonelier than before.

When Harry was around, the werewolf tried his best to be happy for his sake. He didn't want him to feel any guiltier than he already felt. Visits were rare and short, mostly during the winter holidays from Hogwarts. Remus knew Tonks liked him but he just couldn't return the feeling. He wasn't gay, he was bisexual but he still wasn't over his dead lover.

On the first year anniversary of Sirius's death, Remus traveled quite some miles to an empty grave. In a private graveyard, he sat in front of a headstone with Black's face on it, his birth and death date, and a quote. This was the second time he came there, besides the funereal itself. Once on Christmas and this time. Remus sighed heavily, his knees going numb from the hard dirt underneath them.

In a soft voice, he whispered, "Everyone's doing great, Padfoot. Harry has support from his two best friends, Tonks seems to have a crush on me, and…I guess there isn't a lot of great news. Voldemort's army is growing quickly as is ours." It sounded like a news report, his voice monotonous.

Remus allowed his voice to crack with pain, "I miss you Sirius. I don't understand why you had to go…you just came back into my life, into Harry's life. So many things were left unsaid…I didn't even get to say good-bye!" The last words were filled with bitter rage as he stood.

The wind picked up a great deal, making him stumble and fall just an inch from the tombstone. Lupin stared long and hard at the face engraved on the rock. Suddenly he let out a very howl like yell and punched the ground, leaning on the stone for support. He draped his arms around it as if it were Sirius itself.

His tears streamed hotly down his face and onto the dirt, onto the shabby robes he could barely afford. The angst and grief was back and worse from the first time he knew his love was not coming back. White hot rage, cold hearted grief, and blood stopping fear pulsed through his veins as he let out another howl imitation. He felt angry at Sirius for leaving so soon, he felt weak and valuable, and worse of all he felt alone!

His third broken howl ended with a sob, his shoulders shaking violently as he felt his emotional dam break. Staring into the stone carved eyes of his loved one, Remus threw his head back and screamed with tears falling rapidly, "Why?!" It was a cliché, he knew, but he couldn't help but wonder it.

Hours passed, the sun sunk behind the hills and the moon soon replaced it. Luckily it was a half moon but it gave enough light to cast a shadow on Remus. He looked plain mad, plain crazy with grief in the shadow. He lost track of the time as he stared in front of him, his fingers subconsciously and blindly tracing Black's face.

Finally he had enough common sense to leave. Slowly, he struggled to his feet and looked around. For a moment he saw a figure dodge behind a tree. And just for that moment, he allowed himself some hope whether it was false or real. He allowed himself to believe it was Sirius's spirit watching over him. With a small soft smile, he turned and left the graveyard.

The figure behind the tree had seen the whole thing. It felt its heart ache with guilt, regret, shock, and sadness. It rested its back against the tree trunk, silent tears running down its pale face. For the first time ever, it understood the love between Remus Lupin and Sirius Black.

Harry Potter slid down the tree and prayed for forgiveness, prayed for numbness, and prayed for Lupin's happiness.

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Didn't expect Harry to see the whole thing, eh? I worked really hard on this so Review please. 


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